Aftermath

Here I am, living in the aftermath of the worst attack on Norway since World War II.  I am struggling to put everything that I feel into words.  I will try, but please understand that there is so much more to this than I can tell. 

Friday afternoon was one of shock and worry.  After my friend had walked into my room asking if I had heard about the bombing downtown, I wasn't sure what to make of it.  I immediately got on the internet to see the news, and it was difficult to understand.  For me, the first time things got really real were when my suite-mate came back from being downtown maybe a block or two from the blast sight.  She walked in stark white and shaking.  She described that she was shopping when all of a sudden she heard this incredibly loud noise and all the windows and building started shaking. There was smoke and ash everywhere and everybody starting running away as windows shattered all along the street. 

My friends and I watched the news all afternoon.  We couldn't believe what we were seeing.  This was our Norway, our care-free, having fun, summer in Norway.  Then it became worse.  I was told just before our dorm meeting that there had been a shooting spree on an island outside of Oslo.  This island was the location for a youth summer camp, for those who would have been Norway's future politicians.  It was shocking, that someone could do this.  That someone did this.  Going to bed, I had heard there had been one death at the downtown bombing and five on the island of Utoya.  I was thankful for such a low count.  When I woke up the next morning, those numbers had risen to 85.  How could that have happened?

Saturday came and I went downtown with friends (4 boys who could protect me if needed).  We first noticed a difference when the bus had to be re-routed due to police block off a street.  When we hit out downtown stop and started walking down Karl Johans Gate, it was immediately apparent that there was a great police and military presence.  The Storting and its square were blocked off with police tape and soldiers with big firearms.  I even saw a couple dogs.  After walking past that building, we saw where the streets had been blocked off around the vicinity of the bomb.  There was police tape and soldiers everywhere.  Glass was on the street, and we could see where windows had been temporarily sealed up.  Yet but all of the destruction, I had to be impressed how much had already been cleared up.  Cleaning crews were working on sweeping up the glass and debris and it was very clean in areas that I could see.  Of course, that probably does not include the epicenter of the blast... a place where rescue crews still cannot complete their missions due to the unstable building. 

I had mentioned that there was a lot of police/ military/ helicopters downtown, but I also noticed how that didn't feel like a threat to me.  It felt safe.  Everyone was out and about. I saw many people talking with the soldiers and another take a picture with one.  I have to admire how calm and stoic the Norwegians are about the situation.  Of course, it is also very solemn, but it's not panic.  Rather, every person is united together.

Sunday, I again returned downtown.  This time I ended up at the cathedral where people were gathering.  Jens Stoltenberg, the Prime Minister, had made an appearance there that morning.  As I watched, people laid down flowers and candles just outside the cathedral.  It was an extremely humbling experience to see so many people come out and come together to honor the victims of the bombing and shooting.  I myself lit a candle inside the cathedral to show my support and give my prayers and hopes.

Today, Monday, we took time out of both classes to talk about what had happened.  In my Scandinavian Government and Politics we did a free write exercise where we took a moment to write down our feelings and sentiments about what happened. I just want to leave you with what I wrote:


     Today I still feel confused.  Why did this happen? How did this happen? What is going to happen now?

     I feel like I am in shock. I can't believe such acts of hatred can occur.  What sense of feeling can cause these actions in a person's heart?

     I will always have more questions than answers.  Always.  Even with family, friends and news stations asking after my well-being and the Norwegian sentiment, I make up an answer that only begins to say what I want.  How can I ever express all of these feelings in words?  This is personal. This is me.

     I am at a loss of what to do and how to act.  The question of what is appropriate has come up more times than I would like.  I want to help the Norwegian people.  I want to help make sure this won't happen again.  I want to promote understanding and diversity among and within all populations.  Will this even do anything?  If I touch one life, one single life, to change their views and their hatred, I hope I have succeeded.


So if you have asked me this question: How am I doing? How do I feel? How has this affected me or changed me? I'm sorry that I can't answer completely yet or maybe ever.  I'm still figuring this out, but maybe you can begin to understand...